Monday, May 24, 2010

Lose weight now - Ask me how.!

I am pretty sure that the people who know me will be 'rolling on the floor and laughing' right now!
yes! this post is coming from a person who's unable to reduce weight after multiple attempts (not really) for the past 4 years.

Who says that you should be super fit with six-pack abs etc to give counselling on weight management (all though it is widely accepted and believed - thanks to the media)! A glutton can be a very good counsellor for weight management/reduction! No one will know the "what not to do" things better than him (he's been doing it perfectly)!!!

The subject here, who henceforth will be referred to as Mr. X (girls read it as Ms. X - they are equal in number), is a kind of a person who watches exercise programmes on TV with a pack of potato chips!

Gluttony is one of the seven deadly sins (watch the movie se7en by David Fincher). It's considered as bad as murder, adultery etc. below mentioned are the things Mr. X normally does.
  • has more than 3 square meals a day.
  • the last and final meal of the day(supper) will be the heaviest
  • always asks for extra cheese with his burger/sandwich etc.

  • prefers KFC anytime, over other snacks! (you must notice the expression on Mr. X's face when he's enjoying KFC. He wont enjoy even an Olympic gold medal victory like that). And always choses butter naan/roti over plain naan/roti.
  • likes to lie down after a heavy meal, (even when not feeling sleepy), and be movement-less like a python which has just swallowed a huge buffalo!
  • thinks (only thinks and never does) he should work hard and reduce weight overnight every time he watches 'Rocky 2'
  • takes a oath to himself every year that he will reduce weight and become trim and slim before next new year, and forgets about it exactly after 7 days!
  • has this regular and definite need for an immediate snack (fruit, sweet, chocolate, ice cream, chips or at least a spoonful of jam - not to be confused with dessert), after every meal (no matter how heavy it was)
  • Goes gaga over any food item which is sweet or which has oil in it. Has a roaring passion for anything which is deep fried.
  • thinks that wasting food is a crime as well as a sin. and 'ensures' no food is wasted by anyone in the family.
  • Always prefers the elevator over the stairs, even if he has to go to the 1st/2nd floors!!!
  • in a buffet, ensures that he tastes every single item/dish that is kept (irrespective of the quantity)
  • Believes and lives according the the mantra "life is short, live it" (without knowing that he's making it shorter)
there are several weight loss 'spoilers' in our lives - things we inadvertently do that stop us from losing weight and send us to the brink of frustration. at certain point we give up!!!

Here's what Mr. X does after he decides to lose weight:

  • starving during the daytime and eating heavily at night is the biggest blunder anyone can make! (it seems the metabolism rate during nights is much lower than that during day time.
  • there are rules about eating diet foods too. the right amount etc.
  • when he goes jogging, he jogs for 2 kms and takes a share auto/Bus for coming back.
  • Goes to the gym and either keeps starring at other people or talks a lot and disturbs other people (I belong to the 2nd category)
  • gives up very easily (at one point even thinks that liposuction is the only option)

 We should remember the one golden rule in weight reduction. There is no short-cut. Hard work always pays... and 'only' hard work pays. Never get sucked into all the bogus concepts and waste money on products like 'fat burn', 'tummy trimmer', 'ab crunch' etc. The companies selling these products spend a lot of money on advertising and the hire super hot model in the advertisements.

Ways to reduce weight:- jogging/running/walking, swimming, cycling etc.. regularly. And a strict and disciplined diet is absolutely mandatory.

And never forget... Rome was not built in one day. likewise you can't transform from 'humpty dumty' to 'bruce lee' overnight!

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Southpark in Tamil

Target readers: People who know tamil and who are crazy about southpark (people who dont know what south park is..., dont even think about reading further. it wont make any sense)!

This is how southpark would be if it's dubbed in tamil and played on chutti TV or something!!! (what's wrong with me? how can a non-veg programme like southpark be played on chutti TV? ... never mind)


Eric Kartavarayan
Kartavarayan is one among the 4 friends who live in South Pakkam near Adyar. he's the son of a single mom. He does'nt like people from other areas especially those who are from besant nagar. he rips on besant nagarites all the time! his friends call him 'gundu kathirikka'

favorite quotes: "pongada paradesingala... naan veetukku poren" (screw you guys, am going home)

Kylasam Bragadeeswaran
Kylasam is one among the 4 kids. His family hails from besant nagar, but they now live in South Pakkam. His father is a lawyer in Saidapet court and his mother is a member of many ladies clubs and also the rotary club. he has a baby brother is too matured for his age (pinjuliye paluthavan). He never gets along with karthavarayan.

Stan Marimuthu
Stan marimuthu is an ordinary kid, who loves a girl called Vindya. he is very clever and against all cults. His father is a scientist who works in birla planetarium.

Vikram come from alcott kuppam and his family is very poor. Vikram 'sethu sethu polaipaan'...
Every time vikram dies... kylasam says: ada paavingala... vikrama konnuteengaley da!
 & Stan will say: Pongadaa. t..

... to be continued

Saturday, May 15, 2010

The giant national scam - Akshaya Tritiya

People with really strong sentiments about this concept, this is the time you stop reading this post.!

Scene 1: (a typical middle class family. a conversation between a mother and her grown up son)

Mother: son, today i am planning to buy you a new gold chain... like a good guy you will wear it always henceforth.
Son: what???!!!
Mother: ya, today it's the auspicious day of akshaya tritiya. buying new gold will will bring us more prosperity. and will keep you in good health.
Son (a logical thinker): but mom, I 'am' healthy!!! and we are happy the way we are now. besides i am not really interested in wearing gold n all...
Mother: stop being a smart ass (not the exact words, since it's a Indian middle class family) and do as I say...
Son: what about the play station 2 which I've been asking you for such a long time. or maybe you can give me the money, so I can modify my bike...
Mother: No No! those things are just waste of money. you are a grown up now. you shouldn't be wasting money on video games anymore. It has to be gold. period.
Son (thinks): Oh crap!!!

Scene 2: (the conference room or a really luxurious hotel. a meeting of all top jewellers of the country - 8-10 year ago)

Jeweller 1: gentlemen, sales has really been bad over the past few years. I am sure all of you will agree to this...
Others: yeah! yeah! yes, Haan ji! aamam sir!
Jeweller 1: the situation now is, we get bulk orders for weddings etc, maybe 5 times a month. otherwise it is all small purchases, not worth selling. You all very well know the problems that we face. inventory holding costs, bribes that we have to pay the officials and policemen, the advertising expences etc. Considering all this, we must have massive returns, other wise their is no point in doing this business. This is a great area to do business, all we need is to click the right button.
Jeweller 3:what we really need is a great marketing strategy.
Jeweller 2: yes! it is not really about survival, it's all about minting money to the maximum extent.
Others: agreed! agreed!
Jeweller 1: like in the case of textile retailers, they make a kill during festival times. people are glad to spend on clothing 3 or 4 times a year. and that keeps them in good business. with a good strategy and proper advertising, I think we can also achieve a similar state! in our case even once a year purchase from a Major section of the population will keep us rich and happy for the whole year.
Jeweller 3: what is the segment that we are going to target?
Jeweller 2: Sir, it doesn't work that way! we have to target the whole spectrum of the population, then the strike rate would be much more.
Jeweller 1: the best way to do this is use the religious sentiments of the people. make them believe it's a must, to purchase gold. They are all so vulnerable in this area.
Jeweller 2: great idea! we pick a date and we call it "Must buy gold" day. we can easily liquidate all our inventory on this day. and the profit will be phenomenal.
Jeweller 4: when should this be?
Jeweller 2: Does it really matter???
Everyone: HA ha HA Ha hA!!!!!!

and that is 'probably' how Akshaya Tritiya came into existence.
This is the biggest marketing gimmick ever. and this concept of Akshaya Tritiya is a perfect example of how business people commercialize/capitalize on normal people's sentiments!

The significance of the day is attributed to the event of Krishna giving Draupadi the Akshaya Paathiram (a vessel which keeps giving food - unlimited). Other than that, this day also marks Lord Parasurama’s appearance (source: wikipedia).
As the name denotes, Akshaya is a never ending, never diminishing, unlimited non-stop flow. That means, whatever we start and do on this day, will be with us forever and keep on growing as intended. I say plant a tree and watch it grow and give fruits, or start a new business, venture, or maybe a new good habit etc. WHY GOLD???

The sad state of our country is that, these days, people even borrow money from others to buy gold on this day. Banks put a board outside their gates: "today no banking transactions! only gold coin sales"!!!

I am pretty sure every country in the world will have such silly sentiments and practices, but this must be the king of all such things! it seems, on this day, last year a whopping 55 tonnes of gold were sold. To cash on this opportunity banks and retail players in gold jewelry segment have come out with lucrative offers (everyone is smart, except the common man).

Now what is really the downside of this.? investing in gold is a good thing right? only the consumer should know the answer to these questions. sometimes you buy 14 carat gold instead of 22 carat (thinking it is 22 carat gold). and not to mention about the adulterations etc that the jewellers do during these times.

Ever since the government became very strict about arbitrage, smuggling etc, these business people have thought about other means to make huge profits. This is one of those...

The future looks pretty bright for other businesses as well, with the consumers who will buy anything if properly advertised...

don't be surprised if in the near future, you come across ads like those mentioned below:
  • "buy a rice cooker today, and your family will never go hungry : rice cooker day"
  • "buy 5 kgs of Bt brinjal and make this special recipe and serve to your family before 8PM today :Bt Brinjal day"
  • "this whole month is wrist watch month. buy a wrist watch in this month and be the best in time management, we also give you certificates for time management upon full payment for your watch"
  • (this could be the worst) "buying property day: today buy your own piece of land or property and get the direct blessings of all the gods"
Do buy gold! but why on this one day...? pick another day of your choice, when you have a need for gold. when you have enough money to buy gold, when there is no pressure.

These are absolutely my own personal views. no intention to hurt anybody's feelings/sentiments!

Tuesday, May 04, 2010

SNS - the main cause for Global 'Lame'ing

  • Myspace
  • Facebook
  • Linked in
  • Twitter
  • Orkut
  • Buzz
  • yahoo 360
  • Hi5
  • friendster
... and it's not even 10 % of the list! (for complete list, check out the following link)

the Social Networking Sites (SNS) have become an integrated part of our lives today. almost every individual who has access to the internet is a part of atleast a couple of SNSs.

its always good to have a platform to connect with your friends, but having your own virtual farm, growing pigs in it, spending half the time doing that, now 'THATTTT' is lame...

Every person from the age group of 15 - 35 wakes up to switch on their laptop/PC/phone and then immediately log on to their facebook or myspace page. And mind you, this activity happens even before they brush their teeth or perform that 'food associated metabolic activity'...

A survey has shown that one of the reasons for the growing number of divorces among young couples these days, is that the wives are upset about their husbands spending very little quality time with them and a lot of time tweeting and updating their facebook profiles from their blackberrys!!! If this is not a valid reason for a divorce then what is???

The whole concept of SNS is an excellent idea... helps people in a lot of ways. but the way it's used these days, is what makes it completely lame. rather it makes the users 'LAME-O's. And I need not mention the problems  created by these sites these days... ooops!, am not talking politics here. but we all know the truth.  Rich people/celebrities/famous people use the Social Networking Sites as a tool, not to express their thoughts, (which is the very purpose), instead to gain some cheap publicity and create problems.

When an actor tweets "i took a long and comfortable ride in my new xxxxxx car today", and for which the company which owns the brand xxxxx pays the actor (which happens btw), that is an absolutely acceptable healtthy marketing strategy the company is following. No problems with that. But when the celebrities are 'over expressive' in expressing their thoughts etc which could have an adverse effect on the society and hence create chaos, confusion etc, then it becomes a problem...!

The worst hit are the young people, who are already sucked into these SNSs. Anything is acceptable when taken/done in moderation. this is applicable for almost everything. Food, alcohol, medicine, advice etc. perhaps, after a certain point we lose interest in it. say the feeling when we are eating the 9th chapathi or the 9th slice of pizza in a row. This is the concept of 'diminishing marginal utility'. But this theory does not seem to apply in the case of SNS. the more, people use it, the more, they want to use it...! The only thing which can make people lose interest in a networking site is, another new networking site!

If you are a part of any Social Networking Site (say facebook or orkut or twitter) and if you have not done any of the following (even one), then congratulations! you are not a Lame-O:
  • change your profile pic more than 5 times a month
  • post something on your wall, and then keep coming back to the page repeatedly to see if somebody has replied/commented on it... (this is the worst)
  • keep checking out the photo albums of friends, friends of friends, friends of friends of friends etc, for the sake of doing it
  • mindlessly wasting time building your own virtual farm, growing pigs, crops etc and doing it a lot.
  • playing a lot of online games through these sites (Zynga will probably be the biggest company in terms of turn-over by the end of 2015)
  • posting something with the only aim of getting some comments (ex: "I am planning to delete my profile, wat say you people?" or "I hate life" or "wat is the meaning of life", c'mon buddy, like really? you din't worry about that for 20 years and now you bring that up on facebook? how lame are u?)
  • uploading whole folder full of pictures and doing it after every time you take new photos.
  • taking new fotos for the sake of posting
  • (this is my favorite) taking a picture of yourself, to be your profile/display pic or something. If we notice carefully, many people have their profile picture in which eithet their left or right hand will be missing!!! oh yeah, its holding the camera. (I call this self publicity at its peak)
  • adding people you dont even know (possible reasons are: you want more friends, you want to play some silly game and it requires certain number of people to be on you list, you are pathetic etc)
  • begging other people to write you a testimonial or something :-) (apparently, some people think that, the more testimonials, recommendations they have, the more cool they are)
  • having a fake profile
  • if you are a multiple SNS user, copy-pasting the same post in all the sites and that too, every time!!!

If you have not done even one of the above mentioned things, then you are using SNSs the way it is meant to be. please dont change.

Readers may add more to the above list...